Why “You’re Not My Type” Really Doesn’t Matter

We’ve all seen those couples walking around that make you think “wow, she lost that bet.” But then you see her laughing and rubbing all over the guy who by normal human standards is not very pleasing to the eye—downright fugly. Yes, and being a guy I am not ashamed to rate another guy from 1 – 10 like pictures from hotornot.com (Or uglypeople.com—that site is awesome).

For any member of the male species that’s ever been rejected with the words “you’re not my type,” there’s an easy workaround:

Change everything about who you are.

Am I kidding? I’m a little whimsical, yes.

Is that ridiculous? Absolutely!

But it’s redonkulous (that’s right, I said it) to feel like crap just because she thinks she has a preference. And by the end of this you’ll know why I say she “thinks”.

It’s also a preposterous idea. Move on.

To be more specific, changing everything about who you are DOES work, as long as you’re doing it for you and no one else. Maybe not to the extent of “everything” about you, but more like, tweaking some things about you. The minute you start changing you for someone else is the minute that you lose, with women, and in life. Sorry.

ATTRACTION IS KING

Type, like preference, is rooted in logic—attraction based on what we think we should be attracted to. But then again, attraction isn’t logical, it’s an emotional response.

So let’s work with that.

If attraction is an emotional response, then preference doesn’t hold much weight when confronted with someone who just flicks those switches inside of you.

I can easily sit here and ramble off that I prefer girls who are 5-1 to 5-7, around 110-118 pounds, with quirkiness factors and double D’s and loves the color green; then go to Nordstroms and find myself trying to get the number of a flat-chested six-foot amazon. I can’t help myself sometimes, I’m attracted. For guys, this could also be construed as “my other head took over.”

So now the better route to take when confronted with the “type” dilemma is to focus on that emotional response. The attraction is what pulls people toward you, and this is good.

I’m not going to go into detail about creating attraction or being attractive, (that is another post altogether) but I will give up some tidbits of what can help.

• Don’t be a Stage 5 Clinger. Men and women’s attraction mechanisms are different I admit, but not being needy is definitely a universal concept in the courting process.
• The core of attraction undisputedly lies in how you carry yourself and your personality, so pay attention to your body language and having a pleasant demeanor. Stand tall and confident and smile when engaging her in conversation.
• Don’t get in your own way, be presentable. Basic grooming and cleanliness as well as some sort of fashion sense help let people see to your inside wonderment better than sifting through a landfill of particulates that you call your shirt. I’m sure you’re a good person at heart, but you don’t look like it.
  
• Learn how to hold a conversation. People find those who talk more attractive than those who don’t…unless you’re an import model; but then you’d be a thing and not a person. Whether small talk or an introspective debate, engaging conversation helps others get to know you, conveys your personality and allows (not forces) people to be interested.

A BIGGER PROBLEM

Women from birth to adulthood have been trained in the fine art of hard-to-get whether directly from her mom or her peers, or indirectly from watching others in her life or influenced from those damned romantic comedies.

Now the majority of women out there may not be as bold as to say outright you’re not their type, but being faced with hearing these words in the first place can assumingly break down to one conclusion:

you were trying too hard.

The case could very well had been that she was digging you but ended up getting creeped out because you were coming on too strong and didn’t allow her to meet you at least a part of the way.

Women, as well as men, will give off indicators that they’re not interested and hope to God the pursuer isn’t clueless, naive, or deluded to pick up on the signs. Hurt feelings just adds drama and complications and not every guy loves “bitches” like I do. (FYI, “Why Men Love Bitches” is an interesting read and I definitely relate to it.)

By the time this occurs, there really isn’t much you can do to help change her perspective of you because she’s already decided what category to put you in. You know the category. But there’s nothing wrong with friendship.

Your best bet of turning things around at this point is to disappear for a while and come back different from when she last saw you. This is intriguing and creates curiosity; anybody would want to know what happened to you. It’s the theory of The First Impression, it can only happen again when you’re absence is felt with mystery.

Let go, move on, and allow them to come to you.